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Why FFXIII is so Bad

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Why FFXIII is so Bad

Post by Claire on Wed Apr 25, 2012 8:32 pm

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KmnAL60mfSg

If anybody has any sort of appreciation for the god-awful piece of a polished turd that is FFXIII, then don't watch this video.

This is a review by the popular game critic known as Yahtzee, or "Zero Punctuation". He is a harsh-mouthed Australian critic that plays pretty much any game you can think of and reviews them, usually making it hilarious. This review for FFXIII is no exception, with its flawed character design, ass-backward battle system, and chopped story layout.

Now I know you guys are thinking, "weren't you one of the only persons on this site that actually defended this title?" and I have to say that after giving up on finishing the game due to fucking boredom and frustration, I've come to realize how much I hated the experience of all 90 hours of this damned game. I have 90 hours total logged into this game cause of a mistake I made trusting Sony and their PS3 save system, forcing me to start over. I've made it all the way to Gran Pulse on my most recent playthrough, and about that time I thought to myself, "you miserable moron, don't you have something better to do than grind for 20 hours against impossible enemies before every single boss fight?".

So, I started thinking about things in this game that made me want to nom my eyes out. First comes the character design, and it's lack of likability with exception for Sazh, and even that's a bit of a stretch. Lightning is a bitch who is an exact replica of Squall, only she has ovaries. Snow is a fucking moron who made me wonder if that cap was hiding the lack of space where his brain should be. Hope is Cloud...nuff said. And Vanille needs no explanation.

After that comes the vague and poorly executed story, even after playing through it twice, I'm still lost as to what the hell is going on. And if anyone understood the mockery of gibberish being thrown around, then I think you'd be an expert at foreign languages.

Finally, and most importantly comes the battle system, talk about a double edged sword. At first, I thought it was extraordinary how we only have to control one character and how fast-paced they made it. But after a while, I started to realize how fucking weak all these characters are, to the point where if a flea coughed on them, I'd need 50 Phoenix Downs. I understand if they reserve this kind of treatment for bosses, or for enemies that give you much better exp than the normal garbage running around, but even the weakest of enemies will make you think you're in a boss fight after you've completed the current section of the Crystarium. That's really bad setup, because it rips the fun out of making things challenging and gradually increasing it. Instead we start at the halfway mark of difficulty and run up the mountain from there. If there's anything that can turn me off to a game, it's spending literally 5 hours for one boss and still have the same amount of difficulty prior to grinding and powering up weapons. I know some people really get a kick out of games being a fight for your life for all 90 fucking hours of the story, but I like the difficulty to be reasonable, and FFXIII fucked it up.

So, now I've come to realize that XIII was a complete fluke, and Square should try experimenting less, or at least experiment one thing at a time. >_>

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Re: Why FFXIII is so Bad

Post by Zane the pure on Wed Apr 25, 2012 9:15 pm

Yeah, well unfortunately there are very few arguments to all of these faults and Square has taken hell for it. people also have complained about it being a figurative long dark tunnel with no real exit and a very dim light for miles.

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Re: Why FFXIII is so Bad

Post by Nightmare on Thu Apr 26, 2012 11:26 am

personally im with most people about the battle system I HATED IT! its so screwed up and leveling up im not fond of coz as 2 say its not reli like the previous games of theres but im not reli fond of the newer titles of final fantasy meh i want them 2 make the battle styles like they used 2 ofcourse enhance it a little but not 2 the point they have done 2 final fantasy 13
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Re: Why FFXIII is so Bad

Post by Archangel on Fri Apr 27, 2012 10:56 am

I'll play devil's advocate here. I don't think FF13 is a great title, but it isn't terrible either. Some of characters are good such as Sazh, Snow, and I would say Lightning and Fang were decent as well. The battle system was innovative, and even tho I didn't like some parts of it, I did like how fast paced it was and it made you think on your feet. I am sensing some frustration from someone who clearly couldn't grip the battle system, bc there is no reason you need to grind for 20 hours before you finish the main storyline. So it isn't turn based classical ATB battle system, so what? The game looks amazing as usual, and yes the story was stupid, but you need to dig a bit deeper to rate this game, rather than simply saying everything is shit bc you can't beat it and your upset.

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Re: Why FFXIII is so Bad

Post by Erel on Fri Apr 27, 2012 11:30 am

Wait! Aren't games supposed to be somewhat challenging?! I think the difficulty was reasonable. Learn how to use the battle system, learn the enemies' weakness and patterns, plan out your team, and you got more than a fighting chance. Isn't that what Final Fantasy has been about? OH WAIT! The gameplay is too FAST PACED. Sorry I forgot that side of the spectrum. I did hate the whole leader dying and game over deal however; as well as the irrelevance of Summons.


And frankly, the graphics are one of the best features of the game. The character designs, too perfect as they may sure is a an ever growing testament of what Final Fantasy has come to and WILL keep perpetuating. I mean come on? What do we want here, purple lipsticked drag queens (or kings for that matter)? From FFVII to now, I believe that the character designs have had a pretty common thread (with the exception of FFIX going back to medieval and the chibi look), as close to realistic faces as possible but taking out the human 'flaws'. If you guys want pimples and freakin facial hairs on girls, go look in places closer to the borders. This is a Fantasy game that is suppose to entice the aesthetic perfection of human (males and females) beauty. As for character clothing, well, I don't really care. Females can show off, males can dress retarded, which ever the 'poison' it's all a matter of opinion. Frankly, if none of you guys thought Vanille looked attracting then get your heads (both of them) checked out. Yeah the bitch is annoying, put ball gag on her and she'll be more than attracting. Unless of course you guys want your females to have facial hair, which is your thing, not mine.

I myself have my qualms about it, but do understand that no FF game had ever been perfect. I can find a lot of things wrong and a lot of hating for every one of our dearest FF title. Do I agree that it doesn't go on par with some classics? Yeah I can say that. But I do want to say that it's trying to evolve in a gaming world that the majority doesn't look too highly on the mundane way turn base gameplay goes about. Square is trying to stay alive in a company that has Mass Effect in its genre to contend to. Now it's not doing a good job since Jrpgs have yet to make something to match up to Western lately (opinion), but hey, at least they're trying to change. The old ways are dying to the new crowd, but it's hanging on a thread for us few. But companies can't depend on the few because they won't survive in this market.


I think it is safe to say that Final Fantasy will not be the same as it was so, I think we all need to just grasp that idea or not play the games that are coming out and stay in the past. If you guys do leave, I doubt you guys will be missed and I highly doubt you guys will forever leave the support band wagon for Square Enix since there are other games (terrible as they are in my opinion) such as Kingdom Hearts, Dissidia, Other spinoffs that you guys will buy.

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Re: Why FFXIII is so Bad

Post by The Cap'n on Mon Apr 30, 2012 3:20 pm

But Erel, one thing I hated about this game was the the way the game kept every character looking perfect at all times. People don't look real at all. And look at Mass Effect. They got facial structures perfect. Some people look cool, others look like they're disfigured but didn't have to go to extreme lengths like having zits on their faces to make people look nasty. Square doesn't do that, they make Barbie dolls. Does a Barbie Doll look real? Fuck no, they look like plastic replicas of what is deemed perfect. Example, when Snow is flying in that stupid fucking helicopter bike with Sarah to get away from PSYCOM soldiers. When Snow crashes into the ground after the bike is shot, it explodes. Not only does Snow walk out with not a scratch on him but his hair and his clothes don't seem to move. I understand it's a T rated game, but some sand, smoke and dirt, hell! A little blood? That wouldn't hurt the game rating.

Yeah, I want to be taken away to a fantasy world, but there's no such thing as perfection and to line a game up with just perfect face after perfect face makes me want to gag. It's like force feeding someone sugar. At first it's awesome because it's sweet and tickles your tongue. Then you start feeling sick and your head hurts after which you want to barf up all that shit. Then you do it... while still having more sugar shoved down your throat. And it just keeps going to the point you where you can't even touch sugar ever again. That's how I see Final Fantasy now. After having it forced down my throat for so long I can't take it.

You know who really outdid themselves with facial animation? Rockstar with L.A. Noir. That game has almost perfected character animations in video games. Rockstar super imposed their actor's faces into the game and made them not only the voices but the stars as well. They perfectly captured a person's reactions to events, emotions and face movement because they used actual models as opposed to making a cartoon character. Final Fantasy characters look like realistic anime characters. Because of how stiff and lifeless their movements are in face. FF master body but they need to work on facial movements.

Square outdid themselves graphics wise but the look and feel to the game is so illogical and unexplained. I'd be okay with some of the crap in this world if the game not only explained it, but explained it in the actual game and not in the Codex. One game that excelled with a Codex and made sure to actually explain shit in their game is Mass Effect. I've never played a game that was strengthened by a codex like the ME series. I get the gist of the world but if I'm curious, I can learn a little more with the codex. FFXIII fails at it because not only does it rely completely on the codex, it does a poor job of explaining it.

The flow of this game is awful and that's the worst part of it. The characters and setting of the world keep making loops around your head to the point where the player has no idea what is happening. You go from some weird giant techno green train station to a crystal lake to a garbage dump to a town to a sewer to a sky castle and so on. Going form one area to the next is awful. It's like trying to shove the wrong pieces of a puzzle together because trying to make things fit takes too much effort.

Plus the story goes in circles. There was more complication of the characters walking in a circle, bitching at each other than understanding this world and story. Cocoon still makes no sense to me. How is it afloat? Why do the fal'Cie want it gone when they made it? I'm so lost it's funny. Character development is also all over the place, especially for Lightning. She randomly develops at the worst times in the oddest way and then takes a back seat for most of the game, then pops back up for more character shit.

I know FF will never go back to it's roots. Ever. It needs to contend but to say they're moving forward is being too nice. They're right where they were after they finished FFX, arguing with each other what needs to get done. Developers leave, new ones come in. They haven't decided on something that will stick because gamers are tired of the ATB style of RPG's. Turn-Based RPG's are a dead breed and it's true. Gamers want more action now that we have the technology. Gamers want an RPG to be like an action/shooter but with little subtle hints like game levels and stats for equipment but then rush into combat like it's God of War. When FFXIII first started marketing their game, I thought it was going to be like an action-RPG where you help make the commands, then fight in active time and you can dodge attacks and attack when you find the enemy is open. But no, it's still the standard FF system but the game played itself for you. I thought XII was bad with the gambits, XIII is worse.

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Re: Why FFXIII is so Bad

Post by Erel on Mon Apr 30, 2012 8:43 pm

@Sweetie:

Before I go further and try and refute things in regards to the visuals of FFXIII and Final Fantasy, I believe we are getting to the point that we are arguing semantics and preference/opinions. I used the word ‘realistic’ in the realm of Fantasy. Yes, Barbie doll figures are not realistic, but they are closer to reality than the chibi big heads that Final Fantasy had been in the past. The ‘perfect body’ that mattel implemented on Barbie is fantasy based, ‘unrealistic’ but appealing to the common man(or girl for this case) idea, which is what video games, cartoons, anime, comic books, etc. etc. had always done and will always do for the most part. They want an attracting set a freakin body on the spotlight and not some flabby, insipid figure. And I'm not just talking about females, I'm also talking about men (well... actually if we are to go with the more accepted figure of men, it would have to go with western style, the more toned and muscular look; not necessarily hulkish, but lean and toned; Japanese tends to make their males look too feminine, which is one of my qualms).

If we are going to argue about the facials, I think I’m going to be arguing on my preference now where I think a perfect face is still attracting. And again this concept of attraction is defined by my preference with my statement. While I am not this vague in real life, I can’t help but say beauty also has its high standards that is either rare or just plain myth. So before I digress I’m going to say it again, I used the word: “realistic” in the realm of fantasy. And when I speak of Fantasy, I am referring to Final Fantasy. I wouldn’t want my video games to be too close to realism like L.A. Noire. It did a damn good job, but if I want to see real human face in a mundane atmosphere, I’ll just talk to the next human being down the street. I still want some ‘magic’ if you will, in the looks. Besides, Final Fantasy is Jrpg, and Jrpgs more often than not follow that whimsical visual of the whole ’looks that can never be attained realistically’ kind of deal. So Again I think we'll just be bumping heads with those ideas; like balls colliding into ass cheeks on gay sex.

As for everything else you have said, with the exception of Final Fantasy's road to evolution, which again it will be under the argument of preference, I am with you. The story was a circle of confusion. The world is not explained very well even in codex. The flow of the game wasn't at all coherent, the characters developed and found their epiphany in the most abrupt and irrelevant points of the game, and there was no... feel to the other side. I didn't feel like there was a Kefka or Sephiroth to really feel like I need to beat the game. The leveling up system was crap. Most characters are mediocre at best, but I happen to like Lightning for my own reasons; she is not lead material as I have said many times before, but she has qualities that puts her noteworthy in my opinion. yeah she is generic and she is a clone version of Cloud, but hell, most characters recently that Final Fantasy comes up with are a carbon copy of a past character.

For battle system, Eh... I'm not going to perpetuate this because again, it's going to be dick and balls playing let's land on the moon. It's up for grabs. I like it. I played it. I didn't have that hard of a time with the concept, I beat all the enemies, beat the final boss in five stars... blah blah blah, some of you guys didn't... blah blah blah. I enjoyed it and enjoy it at FFXIII-2 so that's on me. Those who don't like it, well, let's hope FFXIII Versus might do the trick if you guys are even contemplating that.

But on a closing note, I know I was the one who mentioned it first, and it's my fault, but to place Mass Effect in an argument with any Jrpg... well... it's like comparing your dick and your pinky finger on the peril of which one to cut in order for you to live. Let's say the pinky is any other game and Mass Effect is your penis... well let me ask you a question. Which one would you want NOT cut? I hope for all of you who has a third leg you choose to spare it because for when you're alone in the blackest night, it's the only one that'll keep you happy as long as you give it the proper ministrations. I can live without a pinky. I will not take another step in this crude world if my penis has been shot. SO... Wow I digressed. Anyways, adios!

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Re: Why FFXIII is so Bad

Post by Claire on Tue May 01, 2012 12:17 pm

Your similes are legendary, Erel. You have won the internet.

Anyway, I took the time to read both of these, and it seems you guys studied this more than I did. My main point of frustration was the lack of will to finish the game because everything seemed to fall short, imo. From the repugnant amount of time the battle system desired, to the vague, undertoned value of the story. I found myself wondering what I was wanting to achieve around the time I beat Cid after I found how much gameplay I had left and I still had no clue as to who the big baddy was. Sure, I heard his name mentioned once or twice, but I wasn't given any insight as to what it is, why it needs to be destroyed, or where the hell it came from.

FF's been real bad at giving their characters depth lately, I've noticed. Probably because there's so much trouble in the company that it isn't even the same fucking director anymore. So the goals behind the company have shifted significantly, and the company is just a clusterfuck of ideas and impulses that weren't present in earlier years. I hardly even recognize the Final Fantasy feel anymore, but I suppose that's expected with the ever-changing audience.

And I hate to say this, but if Square wants to keep the ATB system at all, then they're going to go bankrupt before long. I still love the ATB system, and will play turn-based games until I croak, but Square will simply have to do away with it if they want to keep making money. They'll lose some fans inevitably, but they'll attract other players, and perhaps I won't hear the stupid phrase "turn base is shit" anymore. Well, that won't happen, but it's a nice thought.

Perhaps if they come up with a new system, we won't have a billion characters with no depth, because there'll be less need for a party for battles. The least they could do is try something else entirely for experimentation like they did with Dissidia. Sure, most people hated it, but I found it very enjoyable for the first 550 hours of gameplay. I figure if they implement something like Kingdom Hearts and fuse it with a popular western game, then they'll make something worth trying.

I still have little faith that the story will have as much depth as it used to, but with the ever-changing staff, maybe someone will make a worthy story. :/

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Re: Why FFXIII is so Bad

Post by Archangel on Tue May 01, 2012 3:35 pm

"ball colliding with ass cheeks on gay sex" wow, you really outdid yourself on that one.

@nemo--if you want a deep story and dynamic characters you NEED to play the Mass Effect series or Dragon Age Origins whether you like WRPGs or not. These games have some of the best characters and voicing you will find--something I know you appreciate.

Anyways to sum this argument up: FF13 story sucks and is confusing. Some of us like the battle system, some don't. Some find the game too difficult, some don't. Some like the graphics, some don't. Does that sound about right?

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Re: Why FFXIII is so Bad

Post by Zane the pure on Tue May 01, 2012 4:45 pm

It's been stated before that FF13 was the most polarizing game since 7.

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Re: Why FFXIII is so Bad

Post by Claire on Wed May 02, 2012 12:33 pm

@ZC, does it have a PS3 port, or do I have to submit to the dominion of Microsoft for that one?

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Re: Why FFXIII is so Bad

Post by Erel on Wed May 02, 2012 1:35 pm

Mass Effect 2 and Mass Effect 3 are both ps3s. Mass Effect One is covered a bit in ME 2 so you don't have to worry about missing some story.

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Re: Why FFXIII is so Bad

Post by Archangel on Wed May 02, 2012 2:58 pm

Dragon Age Origins is on PS3 also, and has more of a medieval feel to it, rather than the sci-fi of ME

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Re: Why FFXIII is so Bad

Post by Claire on Thu May 03, 2012 11:23 pm

Alright, as regrettable as it is to try a WRPG, I'll give it a shot once I get the money for it. Hopefully, the story telling at the very least will one-up XOOO.

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Re: Why FFXIII is so Bad

Post by Erel on Fri May 04, 2012 4:24 am

There is nothing to regret. The only thing to regret right now as a gamer is that you have yet to indulge at probably the best game in this generation's line up. It's like sex and masturbation. If you haven't played Mass Effect, you've pretty much haven't had sex, you' ve just been beating your meat and anyone can attest to the fact that feeling wet warm lips of a woman is one of the blissful things in life (Of course if you don't like a woman's vagina and prefer ass cheeks, just replace the said phrase with a more masculine statement).

I have loved JRPG's for such a long time but found myself feeling growth as a gamer after playing Mass Effect.

I stand firm with this and a lot can adhere to this statement, JRPG have yet to make anything that can stand up to Mass Effect. I may lean on opinion or bias, but I think it's close to fact.


Last edited by Erel on Fri May 04, 2012 1:44 pm; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : Eloquent wrinkles in the sheets.)

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Re: Why FFXIII is so Bad

Post by Archangel on Fri May 04, 2012 8:39 am

idk what I just read lol

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Re: Why FFXIII is so Bad

Post by Erel on Fri May 04, 2012 10:00 am

Did you need clarification?

Mass Effect = Sex
Every other game = Masturbation

Obviously one has a gaping whole in their life if they have never played Mass Effect before.

LOL.

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Re: Why FFXIII is so Bad

Post by Archangel on Fri May 04, 2012 1:19 pm

I think it was the details that had me confused. Which part of ME represents the female genitalia?

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Re: Why FFXIII is so Bad

Post by Erel on Fri May 04, 2012 1:37 pm

Perhaps I added too much details in there. I was merely trying to appeal to the fact that there are other 'team players' here. Meaning some aren't straight, which I am not saying that in any means negative. So I was merely saying in parenthesis that if I am using too much hetero phrases with comparing ME and Other games then just substitute the vagina for ass cheeks or what not then we have ourselves a bigger field.


I got lost in the details of my humor it would seem lol.

Well... lol. Let me edit it for easier reading... lol

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