Bad Movies

There are unfortunately too many, and we all have that handful of movies that we can't look at for too long without dying or going through an epileptic seizure...

I recently saw a bad movie, it was a straight-to-video (it seemed like) sequel to the horror movie Mirrors that came out a couple years ago. Lamely called Mirrors 2, the cast was boring, plot was just...bizarre and the ending was retarded. Only upside is William Katt's appearance in the movie. Yup, the Greatest American Hero has been reduced to a minor role in a bad horror film.

One thing that caught me completely off guard is a nude scene of a former Disney star, name of Christy Carlson Romano, the sister from Even Stevens. She's also the original voice of Yuffie from KH and Advent Children. Nude scene and brutal death to a former Disney star? Just didn't see it coming, felt bad when she died, then burst out laughing after finding out her character's a bitch. lol
Take it from me, avoid this movie.

I think there doesn't exist a worse movie than BRÜNO !!! It's so HORRIBLE !!!!!!
My friends and I were going to the cinema. We wanted to see a comedy and we saw the trailer of Brüno and we thought it was going to be funny...

..Until we were there..

It was so cheap and disguisting. Cheap humor (which isn't funny), naked people, a lot of penisses. We were playing games on our cellphones for not having to look at it.

NEVER again.

Rob Zombie Presents: The Haunted World of El Superbeasto


This movie is attrocious. Everything about it is so god awful that you want to gouge your eyes out and eat them. Rob Zombie, in my opinion, is a terrible artist. His music sucks and his movies suck and this one is probably the worst he's ever made. El Superbeasto is a random ass world where zombies and monsters exist in real life yet there's no explination on where they are (is it hell or something?) but all I know is it's an excuse for Rob to show as much cheep sex jokes as he can with very very bad voice acting from people who can't even act in film.

The art style is a rip off of Ren and Stimpy, but I think that's because they had some of the original artists from the show on but it didn't seem as good as their original work. The cartoon is full of "Who Cares?" characters that Rob included for random ass actors that are only seen in the cartoon for one or two jokes then are never seen again. The writing is awful, literally one joke is El Superbeasto says while he's locked in jail is he hates two things, his Uncle Carl and Rats. Guess what happens? His Uncle Carl is tied to a wall wearing a thong then he shits out thousands of rats. That's the joke. Hilarious isn't it? That's what happens when you let the very unfunny Tom Papa write the screenplay.

The story is awful and makes no sense with very little background information. Here's the main plot: El Superbeasto (Tom Papa) is supposedly a famous wrestler, porn actor, musician, douchebag and crime fighter and goes around saving the world with his foster sister, Susie X (An exuse for Rob to put his wife in a movie) and she is known for having one eye for no reason and is very hot as put in this cartoon world. Superbeasto films a porno (Yes... a porno) then decides to go to a strip club. There he meets Velvet Von Black (Rosario Dawson) who can inflate her tits to the size of an SUV. Beasto wants to fuck her. Meanwhile, Dr. Satan (ORIGINAL THE CHARACTER!!! Paul Giamatti) has to find a woman with a birthmark of the mark of the beast on some chicks ass and if he weds her on the full moon, he becomes a full fledged demon. Turns out, Velvet has that tattoo and she's kidnapped. Beasto and Susie have to rescue Velvet from Satan to save the world but obviously Beasto just wants to fuck her. And in between the parts of the story are usless characters, unfunny jokes and cartoon porn.



Avoid at all costs. Never even consider picking it up. Your skin will melt from touching the DVD box.

Alien vs Predator 2 Requiem

Really bad

*skin burns* AHAAHAHHAAAAAA, DON'T EVER MENTION THAT TITLE AGAIN1!!!

Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland

What a fucking mess of a story. A mix of awful CGI, unneeded characters, bad acting and a story that is as cut and pasted together as a Fairly Oddparents/Sonic/Avatar crossover fan fiction. Everything was just painful about this script. The dialogue tries so hard to be funny but it's not, random animals speak and other don't, and the progression of the story is so choppy and "Important" characters seem to pop in whenever they please just to steal the show and force a happy ending. I think the thing that annoyed me the most was the scene when Alice fights the Jabberwockey and it's Christopher Lee playing as his voice and he says 2 lines and never speaks again. What's the point of calling in an actor for two poorly written lines? So you can say, "Look, it's Christopher Lee and he's a DRAGON!!!" Tim needs to stop using Johnny Deep, Helen "Fugly as sin, please stop acting" Carter and Christopher Lee for ALL HIS FUCKING MOVIES.

I think the best thing that shows the quality of this movie is the Mad Hatter's "dance" at the end of the movie. Perfect way to sum up how awful this movie is. Watch the original cartoon or better yet, READ THE BOOK. Far better in every way and form.

Hmm lets see, bad films....well


Titanic The Animated Movie - Don't ask, seriously don't. It has a rapping Dog

Ferngully (I think that was its name) - Besides from the animation and Robin Williams everything about this film was dull and dragged on for ages

Batman & Robin - Do I have to explain, I think everyone who has seen it understands why.

Superman 2 - I know this might come as a surprise to Superman fans but when I watched this for the first time I couldn't get into it. The story felt like it dragged on, and of course it introduced one of the cheapest ideas ever, Superman's memory wiping kiss. The first Superman was alot better

Superman Returns - Besides from Kevin Spacey as Lex Luthor there was nothing in this film to keep my interest. Not to say the plot was bad just boring.

Tomb Raider (1 & 2) - We all know video game movies suck ass. Also as good as a Actress Angelina Jolie can be at times (Mr and Mr's Smith etc) I am certain she was chosen for the role only for the size of her tits. Pray god she isn't chosen to play Tifa if there ever was a FFVII life action movie (though why would there be).

Spider-Man 3 - Well I have an opinion that Toby M could play Peter Parker fine but couldn't play Spider-man at all (where are the puns Spidey, your suppose to be throwing them out). So the only reason 3 got in here was because of 3 things that annoyed me (1) Having Venom in at the last minute and then killing him off, it would have been a better move for Spidey to have beaten Sandman, then get rid of the Black suit, that way Venom could have been the focus of the 4th film. (2) New Goblin popping up last minute and deciding to help Spider-man, talk about a quick forgiveness, I know he trusted his Butler but if I was him I'd still be p*ssed about the fact Spidey blew up half my face with a bomb. And (3) the constant mask removing, Sam Rami we don't care if the actors are doing some of the scenes, keep them in full costume, especially Venom, the cgi face for Venom looked great the two times I saw it.

Jesus Christ Superstar - Forced to watch this rubbish in Primary school, some tunes where catchy but I found everything else about it dull

Final Fantasy Spirits Within - Do I have to give any reason?

Fantastic 4 Rise of the Silver Surfer - Suffers from something Spider-man 3 did, it had to much at once. Also I think (can't remember entirely, the plot was all over the place) they killed off both Silver Sufer and Galactus, and thats NOOOOO GOOOD!

I'm certain I have more so I'll post later

I don't see why people hate Spirits Within, I mean, if you don't look at it as a Final Fantasy, it's an AWESOME movie. I could've done without Steve Buscemi, though....

For a film though, and not a game the story just dragged imo, also the plot wasn't that interesting (the main thing about FF is that you connect to the characters, with this though I couldn't)

Still each their own

The Spirt - the only good part about this comic book character story is that the had Samuel L. Jackson to play the Octopus and portrayed his creepy obsession with Hitler in it!

No offense to anyone here, but I thought Advent children was a bad movie.
I mean seriously, I watched it 5 times and I STILL can't figure out the damn plot, that one character in the red hair and the goggles, (forgot his name) looked like someone screwed with his CGI because because whenever I saw him talking he kept the same damn expression. Some of you may get it, some don't, I'm one of the ones that don't, so I don't like this movie.

^^Reno? Right, forgot. You said you never played VII right? That could be the reason why nothing makes sense to you lol.

Plot: Cloud is angsty because of Zack's death from a million years ago. He started a delivery service with Tifa and they adopt a "Who Care's Character?" kid off the streets for some random fucking reason. Cloud is ambushed one day by 3 Sephiroth fag-clones because they want to and attack Rufus Shinra because he has some of Jenova's remains and they want it to restart another Reunion cause they're cool like that. The Clones run around the world and find people who are infected with Jenova Cells (Geostigma thingy) and try to bring her whole body back. But Cloud and his faggoty crew reunite at the last second, with no one calling the others to warn of the attack, and they fight the Clones and the Bahamut with down syndrome. Loz takes Jenova's remains from Rufus and infuses the cells into his butt recreating Sephiroth to take over the planet. Cloud kills him, Aeris somehow can heal the Geostigma even though she's been dead for 3 years and Red XIII says his only line in the entire movie. THE END.

AC is an awful movie. The story writing is jumbled and the writers wanted to throw as much shit as possible into the story to appeal to fans. The movie was made for hard core VII fans and for anyone who wanted to watch some "AWESOME ACTION SCENES". Granted, the CGI is jaw dropping and the fight scenes are cool to look at but the awful voice acting and bad story there's not really a reason to watch this movie.

I never got quite why I liked that movie so much, but somehow I always find this movie to be a cure for boredom, I've seen it countless times. :/

Fully agree on Advent Children, I only have complete for the fighting sequences (btw Cid had an epic entrance in the first version but in Complete he just drops down WTF Square)

More bad films


The Room - Actually watched it, horrible and bad acting. Although piss funny to watch

Men In Black 2 - Not exactly terrible but I can't really like films that piss on their previous versions (the first MIB tied everything up nicely, this undid all that just so a 2nd film could be made). Still good for a quick dose of sci fi but story wise rubbish.

2012 - Like all disaster films it just bore the ass off me.

Day after tomorrow - ^

Sonic The Movie - Like the Room it's terrible but can still be funny to watch for some of the lines. (impossible to buy)

Mortal Kombat 1 & 2 - Watched them as a kid, terrible and dull

Zoom (Tim Allen)
The first time I watched this, I was like, fifteen, and I rofl'd my ass off. But watching it now, I can point out the punny humour and boring, overused plotlines. Chevy Chase is probably the only thing I think is funny in that movie nowadays. xD

Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon
Not really a bad movie, in fact, this is one of my favorite movies, but there are waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too many hollywood moments for me to take it seriously when I'm paying attention to the fighting. For insatnce, it wouldn't even take a blind man to spot the wires when they're HOPPING ATOP THE TREES. Acting is HORRENDOUS in English, Chow Yun Fat should not be subbed, just sayin', he sounds like a douche. :p

Final Destination (Sequels) Spoilers, too.
One of a great many movies that was destroyed by the production of sequels. The plotline now boils down to basically any character involved with the chain of death is FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFuck'd! In the first, it merely hinted at the idea of escaping death being near impossible, with one of the teens being splattered all over Paris right before the credits. I could also take the deaths seriously, after the 2nd one, they all resorted to animation and you could tell that it was insultingly fake. The first will probably keep you on your seat, cause you can't tell who's gonna die or how, the sequels made it blatantly obvious who was gonna die and based on how assholish they were, how bad it would hurt. FD1 didn't do that shit, the teen who's being a dick the whole movie turned out to be a pretty swell guy, yet he still had the messiest death in the movie, but they decided not to show it, to end it on kind of a cliffhanger, WHICH THEY CLEARLY SHOULD NOT HAVE DONE! Anyway, the plot's crap, the deaths are all boring (creative as some of them are) and characters are-who gives a fuck.