Why FFXIII is so Bad

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KmnAL60mfSg

If anybody has any sort of appreciation for the god-awful piece of a polished turd that is FFXIII, then don't watch this video.

This is a review by the popular game critic known as Yahtzee, or "Zero Punctuation". He is a harsh-mouthed Australian critic that plays pretty much any game you can think of and reviews them, usually making it hilarious. This review for FFXIII is no exception, with its flawed character design, ass-backward battle system, and chopped story layout.

Now I know you guys are thinking, "weren't you one of the only persons on this site that actually defended this title?" and I have to say that after giving up on finishing the game due to fucking boredom and frustration, I've come to realize how much I hated the experience of all 90 hours of this damned game. I have 90 hours total logged into this game cause of a mistake I made trusting Sony and their PS3 save system, forcing me to start over. I've made it all the way to Gran Pulse on my most recent playthrough, and about that time I thought to myself, "you miserable moron, don't you have something better to do than grind for 20 hours against impossible enemies before every single boss fight?".

So, I started thinking about things in this game that made me want to nom my eyes out. First comes the character design, and it's lack of likability with exception for Sazh, and even that's a bit of a stretch. Lightning is a bitch who is an exact replica of Squall, only she has ovaries. Snow is a fucking moron who made me wonder if that cap was hiding the lack of space where his brain should be. Hope is Cloud...nuff said. And Vanille needs no explanation.

After that comes the vague and poorly executed story, even after playing through it twice, I'm still lost as to what the hell is going on. And if anyone understood the mockery of gibberish being thrown around, then I think you'd be an expert at foreign languages.

Finally, and most importantly comes the battle system, talk about a double edged sword. At first, I thought it was extraordinary how we only have to control one character and how fast-paced they made it. But after a while, I started to realize how fucking weak all these characters are, to the point where if a flea coughed on them, I'd need 50 Phoenix Downs. I understand if they reserve this kind of treatment for bosses, or for enemies that give you much better exp than the normal garbage running around, but even the weakest of enemies will make you think you're in a boss fight after you've completed the current section of the Crystarium. That's really bad setup, because it rips the fun out of making things challenging and gradually increasing it. Instead we start at the halfway mark of difficulty and run up the mountain from there. If there's anything that can turn me off to a game, it's spending literally 5 hours for one boss and still have the same amount of difficulty prior to grinding and powering up weapons. I know some people really get a kick out of games being a fight for your life for all 90 fucking hours of the story, but I like the difficulty to be reasonable, and FFXIII fucked it up.

So, now I've come to realize that XIII was a complete fluke, and Square should try experimenting less, or at least experiment one thing at a time. >_>

Yeah, well unfortunately there are very few arguments to all of these faults and Square has taken hell for it. people also have complained about it being a figurative long dark tunnel with no real exit and a very dim light for miles.

personally im with most people about the battle system I HATED IT! its so screwed up and leveling up im not fond of coz as 2 say its not reli like the previous games of theres but im not reli fond of the newer titles of final fantasy meh i want them 2 make the battle styles like they used 2 ofcourse enhance it a little but not 2 the point they have done 2 final fantasy 13

I'll play devil's advocate here. I don't think FF13 is a great title, but it isn't terrible either. Some of characters are good such as Sazh, Snow, and I would say Lightning and Fang were decent as well. The battle system was innovative, and even tho I didn't like some parts of it, I did like how fast paced it was and it made you think on your feet. I am sensing some frustration from someone who clearly couldn't grip the battle system, bc there is no reason you need to grind for 20 hours before you finish the main storyline. So it isn't turn based classical ATB battle system, so what? The game looks amazing as usual, and yes the story was stupid, but you need to dig a bit deeper to rate this game, rather than simply saying everything is shit bc you can't beat it and your upset.

But Erel, one thing I hated about this game was the the way the game kept every character looking perfect at all times. People don't look real at all. And look at Mass Effect. They got facial structures perfect. Some people look cool, others look like they're disfigured but didn't have to go to extreme lengths like having zits on their faces to make people look nasty. Square doesn't do that, they make Barbie dolls. Does a Barbie Doll look real? Fuck no, they look like plastic replicas of what is deemed perfect. Example, when Snow is flying in that stupid fucking helicopter bike with Sarah to get away from PSYCOM soldiers. When Snow crashes into the ground after the bike is shot, it explodes. Not only does Snow walk out with not a scratch on him but his hair and his clothes don't seem to move. I understand it's a T rated game, but some sand, smoke and dirt, hell! A little blood? That wouldn't hurt the game rating.

Yeah, I want to be taken away to a fantasy world, but there's no such thing as perfection and to line a game up with just perfect face after perfect face makes me want to gag. It's like force feeding someone sugar. At first it's awesome because it's sweet and tickles your tongue. Then you start feeling sick and your head hurts after which you want to barf up all that shit. Then you do it... while still having more sugar shoved down your throat. And it just keeps going to the point you where you can't even touch sugar ever again. That's how I see Final Fantasy now. After having it forced down my throat for so long I can't take it.

You know who really outdid themselves with facial animation? Rockstar with L.A. Noir. That game has almost perfected character animations in video games. Rockstar super imposed their actor's faces into the game and made them not only the voices but the stars as well. They perfectly captured a person's reactions to events, emotions and face movement because they used actual models as opposed to making a cartoon character. Final Fantasy characters look like realistic anime characters. Because of how stiff and lifeless their movements are in face. FF master body but they need to work on facial movements.

Square outdid themselves graphics wise but the look and feel to the game is so illogical and unexplained. I'd be okay with some of the crap in this world if the game not only explained it, but explained it in the actual game and not in the Codex. One game that excelled with a Codex and made sure to actually explain shit in their game is Mass Effect. I've never played a game that was strengthened by a codex like the ME series. I get the gist of the world but if I'm curious, I can learn a little more with the codex. FFXIII fails at it because not only does it rely completely on the codex, it does a poor job of explaining it.

The flow of this game is awful and that's the worst part of it. The characters and setting of the world keep making loops around your head to the point where the player has no idea what is happening. You go from some weird giant techno green train station to a crystal lake to a garbage dump to a town to a sewer to a sky castle and so on. Going form one area to the next is awful. It's like trying to shove the wrong pieces of a puzzle together because trying to make things fit takes too much effort.

Plus the story goes in circles. There was more complication of the characters walking in a circle, bitching at each other than understanding this world and story. Cocoon still makes no sense to me. How is it afloat? Why do the fal'Cie want it gone when they made it? I'm so lost it's funny. Character development is also all over the place, especially for Lightning. She randomly develops at the worst times in the oddest way and then takes a back seat for most of the game, then pops back up for more character shit.

I know FF will never go back to it's roots. Ever. It needs to contend but to say they're moving forward is being too nice. They're right where they were after they finished FFX, arguing with each other what needs to get done. Developers leave, new ones come in. They haven't decided on something that will stick because gamers are tired of the ATB style of RPG's. Turn-Based RPG's are a dead breed and it's true. Gamers want more action now that we have the technology. Gamers want an RPG to be like an action/shooter but with little subtle hints like game levels and stats for equipment but then rush into combat like it's God of War. When FFXIII first started marketing their game, I thought it was going to be like an action-RPG where you help make the commands, then fight in active time and you can dodge attacks and attack when you find the enemy is open. But no, it's still the standard FF system but the game played itself for you. I thought XII was bad with the gambits, XIII is worse.

Your similes are legendary, Erel. You have won the internet.

Anyway, I took the time to read both of these, and it seems you guys studied this more than I did. My main point of frustration was the lack of will to finish the game because everything seemed to fall short, imo. From the repugnant amount of time the battle system desired, to the vague, undertoned value of the story. I found myself wondering what I was wanting to achieve around the time I beat Cid after I found how much gameplay I had left and I still had no clue as to who the big baddy was. Sure, I heard his name mentioned once or twice, but I wasn't given any insight as to what it is, why it needs to be destroyed, or where the hell it came from.

FF's been real bad at giving their characters depth lately, I've noticed. Probably because there's so much trouble in the company that it isn't even the same fucking director anymore. So the goals behind the company have shifted significantly, and the company is just a clusterfuck of ideas and impulses that weren't present in earlier years. I hardly even recognize the Final Fantasy feel anymore, but I suppose that's expected with the ever-changing audience.

And I hate to say this, but if Square wants to keep the ATB system at all, then they're going to go bankrupt before long. I still love the ATB system, and will play turn-based games until I croak, but Square will simply have to do away with it if they want to keep making money. They'll lose some fans inevitably, but they'll attract other players, and perhaps I won't hear the stupid phrase "turn base is shit" anymore. Well, that won't happen, but it's a nice thought.

Perhaps if they come up with a new system, we won't have a billion characters with no depth, because there'll be less need for a party for battles. The least they could do is try something else entirely for experimentation like they did with Dissidia. Sure, most people hated it, but I found it very enjoyable for the first 550 hours of gameplay. I figure if they implement something like Kingdom Hearts and fuse it with a popular western game, then they'll make something worth trying.

I still have little faith that the story will have as much depth as it used to, but with the ever-changing staff, maybe someone will make a worthy story. :/

"ball colliding with ass cheeks on gay sex" wow, you really outdid yourself on that one.

@nemo--if you want a deep story and dynamic characters you NEED to play the Mass Effect series or Dragon Age Origins whether you like WRPGs or not. These games have some of the best characters and voicing you will find--something I know you appreciate.

Anyways to sum this argument up: FF13 story sucks and is confusing. Some of us like the battle system, some don't. Some find the game too difficult, some don't. Some like the graphics, some don't. Does that sound about right?

It's been stated before that FF13 was the most polarizing game since 7.

@ZC, does it have a PS3 port, or do I have to submit to the dominion of Microsoft for that one?

Dragon Age Origins is on PS3 also, and has more of a medieval feel to it, rather than the sci-fi of ME

Alright, as regrettable as it is to try a WRPG, I'll give it a shot once I get the money for it. Hopefully, the story telling at the very least will one-up XOOO.

idk what I just read lol

I think it was the details that had me confused. Which part of ME represents the female genitalia?